TOUGH TALK RADIO NETWORK

Have you ever gone to a conference, read a book, or listened to a CD, and learned something you “knew” would help you, maybe even change your life … and then did nothing?! Would you say you’ve done this more than once?

Why do we do this? Because in the desire to implement what we’ve learned, we prematurely turn our attention to altering our “behavior” which is our automatic response instead of allowing our new-found lessons to transform our “beliefs” or our underlying foundation. Our beliefs drive and determine our behavior; the two cannot remain out of alignment. So, when we attempt to behave in contrast to our beliefs, we’re left with two options: continue to beat ourselves up for failing, or return to our original behavior.

So where do our beliefs come from? Each day we process an inordinate amount of information. To help make sense of this daily bombardment, we are forced to begin making generalizations to help speed up our processing time, and these generalizations ultimately become the foundation for our belief system. Once we “believe” something, our brains begin to operate on automatic pilot, filtering any input from the environment and searching for support systems to validate that belief. Our mind wants to collect information or evidence to support our beliefs. Often the evidence we collect is not supportive or empowering.  In fact it can often be detrimental to our well-being. However, without this hardwired process, we would not be able to function or survive.

The subconscious mind is where the majority of our behavior is controlled. Once a new behavior has been consciously learned it is delegated to subconscious, such as, riding a bicycle, and driving a car. The same is true of the way we “process” information about the world around us – having acquired a set of beliefs and concepts we delegate them to subconscious control and then we automatically engage in thoughts, feelings and behaviors subconsciously – in other words not under our conscious control. Therefore, whatever you believe becomes your reality.

The downside to this is that regardless of where our beliefs come from, we begin to blindly accept them and no longer question their origin or truth. Once adopted, these beliefs become our foundational view of reality and become entrenched in our unconscious. Before we know it, we have limited ourselves solely to the past as a source for our beliefs.

Check out your foundational beliefs by filling in these blanks:

• I am _______ (intelligent, athletic, a failure, a success, hard- working, lazy, etc.)
• People are _______ (friendly, caring, selfish, power-hungry, mean, kind, etc.)
• Life is ________ (a joy, short, thrilling, boring, hard, a struggle, etc.)

You might ask yourself:

• “What negative impact has this belief had on my life?”
• “What will it ultimately cost me in my future emotionally (as well as in my relationships, physically, financially, etc.) if I continue to hold this belief?”

Beliefs, both conscious and unconscious can arise out of direct and indirect experiences. Beliefs that arise out of direct experiences are those developed from what we see and experience in person. Beliefs can also be based on indirect information, for example information conveyed to us by another person. We make decisions everyday based on information  gleamed from many sources such as broadcast news, articles, teachers and professors, the internet and the list goes on.  We take this information in in the form of beliefs which are often based on this subjective evaluation of facts. In addition, each of us brings our past experiences, filters, perceptions and beliefs with us into every new situation.

To determine what you really do believe, you might ask yourself:

• “Is it true?”
• “Is this belief ridiculous or absurd?”
• “Was the person I learned this belief from worth modeling in this area?”
• “Is this belief based on accurate interpretations?”

Basically conscious beliefs and less conscious beliefs direct our lives, providing the framework for emotional responses, initiating our actions and conversations. Most of us know that if we could change the way we think we could change our lives. So how do I do that?

There are different methods for changing beliefs the one I recommend is Change Your Beliefs – Change your Life!  It is the process I use to assist my clients in identifying the conscious and subconscious beliefs that no longer support you. Using various techniques, I’ll guide you in resetting your beliefs and creating new beliefs that support your life today.

You deserve to have the life you want!

Diana Rinkoff ■ dianarinkoff.com ■ 713-503-9104.

Knowing what to do rarely changes your life.  Taking action often does.  Transforming the way you experience your life—eliminating beliefs, getting rid of conditioning’s, and dissolving your attachment to your emotions—almost always results in profound positive change.

As human beings we are made up of emotions.  Emotions of all types flow through us on a daily basis, feelings such as of joy, love, excitement, sadness, fear, anger, a whole array of emotions.  At any point in any day, if asked we could report what we are feeling.  Our earliest training taught us to label our emotions. Certain emotions in our body may be experiences as good such as love, happiness and joy.  Other emotions are said to be bad or undesirable such as sadness, anger or fear.

If you were to remove the label of the emotion from the experience, you would just feel energy passing through the physical body.  Let’s take the example of sadness.  You have an experience you immediately have feelings of sadness, but if you were to remove the label of sadness, which carries a definition, such as bad or I should not feel this way, the emotion is just energy.  The problem arises when we label the emotion.  Once labeled the emotion, which is just energy, takes on meaning.  Each of us has our own filters as to what that specific means for us.  We have thoughts, feeling and emotions tied to this feeling.  By labeling the emotion we immediately create an air of resistance, as opposed to just seeing the emotion as energy.

I am suggesting a process of de-labeling, which will help you takes the label of the emotion and just feel the emotional energy in its purest form, the most basic substance energy in motion.  As we become experienced observer, and are able to watch the energy in a detached, unlabeling manner, we observe it is only energy.  Our attention moves away from the object of the emotions, the story of our emotions, and we are able to concentrate on the feeling in the body as energy.

An experience with out a label is just energy.  For example, anger without a label is energy in a different form than sadness.  When an emotion is experienced without the labels, the judgment of I should not feel angry, the evaluation of anger is bad, and the significant of what does feeling angry mean about me, is removed and all that is left is energy.  Without the labels all emotion is just energy, there is not resistance, it is just energy.  This is an effortless process; simply by observing the emotion as energy, the transformation can occur.

Another way to view this is if emotions, such as anger, fear, or sadness did not have energy in them, would they be a problem?  Would the problem exist, if it had no energy?  So what are the steps to transform our thoughts, feelings, emotions and our many sensations, in which we the conditioned individual puts labels on?

Let’s examine how this works, a situation happens which makes you very angry; you experience the anger as it moves through your body.  Observe the feelings of anger; where is it in your body?  Notice the level of intensity of the emotion. Take your attention off the story and move your attention to the anger, or the emotion itself.  Now unlabel the emotion and see the emotion as pure energy.  Every time your mind wants to go to the story about why you’re angry, gently move your attention back to the unlabeled energy.  There is nothing to do, nothing to change, just observe the energy.

When you are angry or in fear the mind gives many reasons why you’re afraid.  Normally people focus their attention on the story about why they are afraid or why they are angry, moving externally or outside of oneself.  By allowing the natural, motion of energy to occur, the energy passes right through you.  As children we learn to label our emotions as good or bad, as acceptable or unacceptable, as adults we just continue the process.  If the labeled emotion has unpleasant associations, the energy has a tendency to get stronger and stronger because it has been more repressed.   If you have ever attempted to suppress an emotion you soon realize that repression does not work it only aggravated the situation.  It is like being asked not to think of something, of course that is all you can think of.

When we are able to take an observers presence to a life situation, we are able to transform our habitual awareness from focusing on the story of why, and allowing ourselves to refocus on the emotional energy itself.  Whether the emotion is pleasant or unpleasant we are beginning to shift our awareness to un-labeling the emotion and just experiencing the energy.  The practice is to watch the emotional energy, with no labels, no judgment, just with interest and curiosity.

Emotions as Energy – Try it out for Yourself!

Once you become familiar with the energy of your emotions, you are able to change our habitual response.  Begin by choosing an emotion such as fear, anger, sadness, or jealousy.  As you sit quietly; begin to breath, watching the rising and the falling of the breath.  Bring into awareness to a recent situation, a past experience or something you are anticipating in the future.

• Notice the people, the situation, and any sensations.
• Allow the emotions to become stronger and stronger.
• Notice the labels you give to the emotions.
• Notice the mind as it jumps in with justification, rationalizations, soothing and comfort, or are there thoughts of punishment and criticism?

• Notice where in the body you are holding the emotion, notice the size, the color, and the intensity.

Move your attention of the story, remove the labels and begin to see the emotion as energy.  If any thoughts, impressions or additional stories come up just see them as energy.  See the pure unlabeled energy as you merge with it.  Become the energy.

If you do this exercise for seven days you will notice that both your sense of victimization and your negative feelings will be significantly reduced.  By de-labeling and reclaiming your energy you will create more space for what you desire in your life, you will restore your sense of wellbeing, and experience more balance and joy in your life.

Diana Rinkoff

DianaRinkoff.com ■ 713-503-9104

Walking the spiritual path can be a tricky and the adventure always has many twists and turns.  Sometimes we make progress and sometimes we find ourselves treading water or even going backwards.  The great Tibetan meditation teacher, Chogyam Trunpa, wrote that we are often “deceiving ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when instead we are strengthening our egocentricity through spiritual techniques.”  He called this kind of self-deception spiritual materialism.  Following are some common misconceptions each seeker may encounter on their spiritual journey.

Too often seekers are looking for instant transformation.  Just as some people get seduced by the never ending process of self-examination, some are disappointed when they don’t achieve inner peace after reading a book, or in a week-long workshop, or even after two years of weekly therapy or meditation.  Spiritual awakening takes patience, hard work, and the grace of God.

In learning any new spiritual skill, time and patience’s are required.  We do not always catch on the first time.  Often we struggle in the learning process or the new skill is difficult to incorporate into our lives.  We may use the new skill effectively for a short time and then get what I call a “pop quiz” to test our commitment to change.  The “pop quiz” makes us doubt what we have learned, and it is the test to see if we convert back to old habits.  Just like in school passing the “pop quiz” takes us to the next level.  Learning is a gradual process, where we apply what has been learned and continue to learn, eventually turning this learning into wisdom.  Spiritual growth is a lifetime process.

In learning new spiritual skills we often feel so exhilarated with our new knowledge that we want to share it with others.  This is good until we try to fix our friends and family. Not everyone learns at the same speed and what you think is an “aha!” may not be true for the next person.  Thus, learning spiritual skills helps us to become more aware of the reflection of our self in others and in the many situations we face.

Our reality is based on our perceptions of the world, which is colored and shaped by our beliefs, prejudices, expectations, preconceptions and our experiences.  Each of us experience or see the world through our own filters.  Therefore, if you want your reality to change, then work on changing your filters and ultimately you’re beliefs.

Common Pitfalls and Mistakes of the Spiritual Seeker:

• Where we place our attention becomes our focus.  Where is your attention?
• The courage to face our self-deception leads us to our greater growth.  Illusions are painful; facing reality gives us new options.
• Don’t look outside of yourself for answers; all of the answers are inside of you.  Note the wise old saying – “the further you get from yourself the further you get from the truth.”
• The journey is simple.  The mind wants to make it complicated.  The mind will always give you permission to fail, or make excuses.  Who is driving?  The spiritual mind or the cranial mind?
• Procrastination is one of the biggest reasons for failure.  It stops us from exploring and taking action.  Whether you are running a race or seeking new wisdom – Your motto should be – “Just do it!”
• A spiritual path is never ending, there is always something new to learn.

DianaRinkoff.com

dr@dianarinkoff.com

713 503-9104

I am often asked, “What results will I achieve by working with you and balancing my beliefs?”  My explanation is, a Belief Balance allows you to get back to a pure state, as we were intended, to our original DNA blueprint.  It allows us to be free of our limiting beliefs, free of the characters of our ego and their subconscious beliefs.  In other words the balance strips away the limiting beliefs that are getting in the way of what we truly desire in our lives.

Beliefs develop during childhood.  Let me explain. A situation happens during childhood but as children we are limited in our ability of understanding a given situation, therefore different parts of our subconscious were formed to help and protect us.  These become our fundamental beliefs which are embedded in our subconscious and influence our present-day thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions.  They also filter our perception, effecting how we see ourselves, others, and life itself.  As adults, we have grown consciously and chronologically, but our subconscious fundamental belief systems and our emotional and intellectual development have remained suspended in their child state.  As adults, these beliefs can be outdated; however out of habit and unconscious thinking we can replicate our childhood patterns and defense mechanisms, limiting our happiness and success as adults.

Often our beliefs set up our perception of how life works.  The beliefs that we hold are not necessarily based on facts.  Often these beliefs even take on the appearance of automatic pilot, we go through the motions as if we firmly believe them to be true, often we can even quote statistics to support them — but upon closer examination we find they are not inherently factual and, more importantly, we may not even believe them.  All of these fundamental beliefs have been with us so long that they are deeply rooted in our subconscious.  Imagine a record album which has a groove deeply scored in the vinyl. Every time the record is played, the needle falls automatically into that groove.  In the same way, our beliefs may be deeply etched in our subconscious and DNA.

You might ask why is our conscious awareness of our issues, not always enough to stop us from repeating the same irrational reactions and self-sabotaging patterns.  We read books; attend workshops, repeating affirmations, do visualizations, and analyzing our issues with little change.  While these tools increased our understanding and empowered us to observe ourselves repeating the same undesirable choices, our newfound insights may not have produced the changes that we desired.  Conscious awareness alone does not always lead to resolution or healing. The Belief Balance goes beyond the conscious to the unconscious belief systems we hold.

The Belief Balance is a powerful tool for personal change.  The process I use allows you to discover “fundamental beliefs” that are blocking you from achieving your desired goals in life.  These beliefs include basic issues of human existence such as self love; forgiveness, connection to the Divine, happiness, what you expect from life etc.  Through coaching and the Belief Balance, my clients have reported that this work has allowed them to achieve their goals and live a happier more fulfilling life.  To learn more go to www.DianaRinkoff.com or call for a consultation 713-503-9104.

Silence, is a tough practice.  We have numerous opportunities during the day to practice not commenting.  It is the struggle with oneself, the ability to control ones impulses.  It is so hard not to comment, to get your two cents in.  This can be particular true with family, where we feel the need to comment on everything.  It is as if I cannot walk past any situation without suggesting a better way to do something, or making a comment.

I believe I am no different than anyone else in the numerous times I wish I would not have over reacted or not said what is on my mind.  There are several things I know: that everyone views a situation based on their own filters, there is no right or wrong, and that every situation is only a mirror of our own behavior.  Yet, something happens and the words are out of my mouth before I realize it, and the damage has been done.  I do not take time to see the reflection of the mirror, to still my mind and seek guidance; instead I react from the fear of the ego.  A Persian poet Sa’di said, “what value is sense, if it does not come to my rescue before I utter a word!”  All our wisdom is for not, if we cannot control our words.

The keynote of a harmonious life is silence.  We so often want to stick our nose where it does not belong.  To give advice, that is not asked for.  One of my favorite sayings is “if you do not have anything good to say don’t say anything at all.”  This one saying will help you avoid making negative remarks about people, prejudice remarks, and remarks that hurt people’s feelings.

On numerous occasions I have repented after hurting someone with my vicious tongue.  My anger was out of control, my ego had taken over and pride was my marching order.  I acted out the anger without thinking.  The anger was so explosive, my tongue so sharp, my memory so accurate, that I was able to slice to the core, damaging another so badly.  Yes, I hurt them but I hurt myself more.  Is it our attachment to being right?

I believe our culture is uncomfortable with silence.  People complete each other’s sentences, they answer the question before someone is finished speaking.  If there is silence someone tries to fill the void.  Our culture has trained our minds to be constantly alert to be thinking constantly, therefore responding.  I believe this is one of the reasons this culture does not embrace meditation.  Meditation is about quieting the mind when our culture re-enforces being on alert at all times.   Listening is another very difficult discipline. Ask yourself if you have the ability to listen with an open mind, without commenting, without solving the problem for someone.  Can you just listen with a sympathetic and compassionate ear?  Listening can be a gift.  How many times have you heard the expression, “I just wanted to be heard,’ or the expression ‘I need to hear myself talk.”  Each of us has the answers, if we can find the silence so the truth can be heard.

During a retreat with my Light Group, we were instructed to keep silence other than during class time.  It was amazing how difficult it was to prepare a meal and eat without talking.  Some found it impossible and broke the silence with whispers.  I found it a relief, not having to talk allowed me to relax, I let down my guard.  When I went off to seek my alone time I did not feel as if I was missing out, or as if I was not participating.  In many ways the silence was a relief.  This was an environment where silence was the expectation; in life the opposite is true.  For example, even in a religious place where one might expect silence such as a religious Temple, it surprises me how many people talk during the entire service, how can you seek solace with so much chatter?  What are we afraid of that we are not willing to be silent?  We are all looking for guidance, we are all searching for the truth, are we all not searching for the mystery of God?  The mystery is ourselves, the guidance is in our own souls, and if we are silent we could hear.

My practice has been to mind my own business.  If I am not asked, I do not comment.  This is so difficult.  It is as if you have to be constantly reminding yourself.  Old habits are hard to break.  It is not just the silence of the day that is difficult but also the silence of the night.  My mind is so active; it is so hard to shut it down, to stop the thinking process.  My mind has been trained to think, to run through all the possibilities, to strategize, to review.  I often say that I run all day and then I run all night in my dreams.  A devout Persian king was asked by his prime minister, “You are spending most of the night in meditation and all day long you work.  How can that go on?” The Shah said, “during the night I pursue God; during the day God follows me.”   It is the same with silence.  He who seeks silence is followed by silence.

What if right now you made a commitment to live your life focused on who you are, and not so much on what you do, what you’ve accomplished, what you look like, what you’re striving for and . . . ?  One of best things you can do for your self is to focus on who you really are, instead of who you think you’re supposed to be.

Stop for a moment and think, who would you be without your accomplishments (or failures), your degrees (or lack thereof), your bank accounts, your experiences, your title, your home, your status? It is a simple concept to think about, at least on the surface, however it’s actually quite difficult for many people—myself included—to genuinely separate who we are from what we do (or have done or not done).

The concept is really brought home by this quote by Brian Sutton-Smith, “The opposite of play is not work, it is depression.”  So hard to play in a world where we attach our self-worth to what we produce.

The deeper question to contemplate is really one of the big philosophical questions of life, “What makes you a valuable person?”  While this is something everyone has thought about to some degree, most people don’t really engage in this inquiry on a regular basis.  When you do, you often think that if you just got more done, lost some weight, made more money, took a vacation, accomplished a goal, had more meaningful work, made it to retirement and the list goes on, then you’d be happier or feel more valuable.  Sadly, this is not usually the case.

What if, you could expand your capacity for appreciating yourself for who you really are in a genuine way, having nothing to do with your external self?  What if just being yourself, the way you are right now, is good enough?  Brene´ Brown says, “Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.”

Being you takes courage, commitment and faith. It’s a process of letting go of many false beliefs you’ve picked up from numerous places, including the collective consciousness: that you have to look good, be smart, know the right people, say the right things, and have the proper experience, in order to be happy and successful in life.

Being you can be scary and counter-intuitive, difficult and at times, lonely.  However, being your authentic self is liberating, exciting and fulfilling.  When you have the courage to just be who you are, without apology or pretense, so much of the suffering, stress and worry in life simply disappears.

Try these three simple steps:

• Appreciate who you really are. What do you appreciate about yourself that has nothing to do with anything external?  What personal qualities (of being, not doing) do you value about yourself?  By tapping into what you appreciate about yourself (not what you do), the more heart space you will have for compassion, peace and self-love.
• Tell the truth to yourself. Think about how much of your self-worth is based on what you do, how you look, who you know, what you’ve accomplished (the external stuff).  The more you let go of being defined by the external, the more freedom, peace and personal power you can experience.
• Practice just being you. As silly as it may sound, you have a great deal of experience being phony or being how you think you’re supposed to be.  It actually takes conscious practice and awareness to be able to just show up and be who you are.  It’s not about getting it right or doing anything specific; it’s about letting go of our erroneous notions of how you think you’re supposed to be and just allowing yourself to be who you are in the moment.

This is sage advice are you willing to try it?  Follow these simple steps have fun with this, talk to others about it and have a lot of compassion with yourself as you practice.  Instead of trying to be a new you, just be yourself.  You are already wonderful!